eating.

Today was not great.


Out of all the things I struggle with, eating is the one that frustrates and confuses me the most. It’s the last of my struggles that I tend to talk about it.


My struggle with eating is not just about control, but, at least in my case, it was and still is a major component. The need control morphed into other destructive things. I was controlled by my need to control, thus making me not in control. Ironic.

What’s the saying about “I am my own worst enemy”? Because, in my opinion, it seems to be true in any battle for control.


Eating disorders are formed from a mixture of control, media, image, culture, and self-worth. And then somehow it boils down to being loved.


Some days it’s hardly a fight, and other days it’s an all-consuming war. And I hate it. I absolutely hate it.

And that’s all I have to say about this topic right now. Aside from the fact that it made for a handful of really terrible appointments with doctors and a long day.