Farewell Whatever You Were

Spring break is over, but I don’t remember it starting. Home was a whirlwind of excitement with places to go, people to see, worship team practices to go to, and children to babysit. It quickly turned into a cacophony of police reports, tearfully phone calls, and funeral arrangements. Then somehow the end was in sight and the final sprint was full of packing, homework, and goodbyes. And now I’m back in Chicago encircled by skyscrapers, incessant noise, and the familiar responsibilities of a busy college student. It’s all just a semivisible blur.

Something has to change. I refuse to run through the rest of this semester without a second thought. I’ve been taught so much in the past few months and I want to actually use what I’m learning. It looks great in a textbook, but being able to process and apply the lessons I’ve learned is what I aspire for.

Grades are important, I won’t argue that, but so are relationships with both God and people. God needs to be my priority…I don’t know how I forget that sometimes. I’m so good at eliminating Him from my life, though I should be surrendering the pen to Him as He needs to be the one writing it.

I live on Smith 5 with 38 girls and have a wonderful brother floor. Lots of friends are home in California, as well. There’s also my family. I love connecting with people and getting into their lives to learn from them, but also to encourage them. My desire is to befriend more lost people, seeing as the majority of my friends are from Moody and my home church. I spend time in the Juvenile Detention Center and in Cabrini Green each week for my PCM and with the Big Brother Big Sister program. It’s the perfect opportunity to be a light in a dark place.

I also want to learn a few new guitar chords and take more pictures. Just because I can.

I don’t want to look back on the next few months with the same disappointment that I did when looking back on the past few. I want to know that I’ve lived my life for something more.

Charles Spurgeon Wrote:

“A primary qualification for serving God with any amount of success, and for doing God’s work well and triumphantly, is a sense of our own weakness. When God’s warrior marches forth to battle, strong in his own might, when he boasts, “I know that I shall conquer, my own right arm and my conquering sword shall get unto me the victory,” defeat is not far distant. God will not go forth with that man who marches in his own strength. He who reckoneth on victory thus has reckoned wrongly, for “it is not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, saith the Lord of hosts.” They who go forth to fight, boasting of their prowess, shall return with their gay banners trailed in the dust, and their armour stained with disgrace.”

“Those who serve God must serve Him in His own way, and in His strength, or He will never accept their service. That which man doth, unaided by divine strength, God can never own. The mere fruits of the earth He casteth away; He will only reap that corn, the seed of which was sown from heaven, watered by grace, and ripened by the sun of divine love. God will empty out all that thou hast before He will put His own into thee; He will first clean out thy granaries before He will fill them with the finest of the wheat. The river of God is full of water; but not one drop of it flows from earthly springs. God will have no strength used in His battles but the strength which He Himself imparts. Are you mourning over your own weakness? Take courage, for there must be a consciousness of weakness before the Lord will give thee victory. Your emptiness is but the preparation for your being filled, and your casting down is but the making ready for your lifting up.”