Saturday, May 29, 2010

Be Real

Written April 10, 2010

“I don’t think I feel anything,” I said to a friend after a long conversation.
“You know that’s not possible. You’re feeling things, just not acknowledging them,” was her quaint reply.
“Fine,” I impatiently retorted, “What do I do?”
“Tell God. Write it all out," was the simple response.

Here’s a piece of what I wrote that night:

I feel broken, but You can have all the pieces and arrange them how You want.
I feel discouraged, but You are shaping my dreams.
I feel lost, but You know where I am and You'll never leave me.
I feel scared, but You defeated my greatest enemy and You’re fighting for me.
I feel ashamed, but Your blood bought me and made me a daughter of the King.
I feel confused, but You are aware of my fragmented thoughts and understand them.
I feel scarred, but You gave me a new identity when You redeemed me.
I feel weak, but You are strong in my helplessness.
I feel empty, but You put Your unfading treasure inside me.
I feel rebellious, but Your love sets me free.

God, I can’t see You or feel You and I’m struggling to believe You’re still here. I gave my life to an invisible being and I’m craving Your voice and touch right now. Let me know You’re real. Please.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

2nd Year at Moody

Written on May 13th...

It’s my last night in Chicago for the school year and where am I? I’m in my empty dorm room sitting on the window seat journaling and thinking. Seems to be my favorite spot to reflect on everything when I can’t sleep. I love looking out the window and seeing the city. My city. I’m definitely more attached to Chicago now than I was a year ago.

My second year at Moody is over. Finished. Complete. Wow.

Fall Semester…
Cultural Anthropology
Communication Studies
Christianity in Western Culture 1

My two favorite classes were:
Race, Poverty, and Social Justice

PCM: Awanas at Park Community Church

Biggest Challenge: Mono. I don’t like sleeping because I never want to miss anything.
Highlight: All the new friends I made from Smith 5 and Culby 19
Favorite Memories: studying on the roof of Noble Tree one afternoon and our BroSis Christmas Party


Spring Semester…
Interpersonal Communication
Christianity in Western Culture 2

My two favorite classes were:
History and Theology of Urban Ministry

PCM: Juvenile Detention Center – leading Bible study

Biggest Challenge: having my hard drive crash was a bummer
Highlight: building and strengthening relationships
Favorite Memories: tacky prom and getting lost with Emma numerous times and early morning breakfasts with Jeremy, Ben, and Emma

And, in response to the past blog, “Farewell Whatever You Were”, I did learn some new guitar chords and I took lots of pictures.


I’m so excited to be going home, but it’s a little bit of a bittersweet feeling this time. I love Chicago and the people here, but I also love Livermore and the people there, as well.

On to summer…lot of sun, beach, reading, hanging with friends, babysitting, worship team practice, writing, guitar playing, a few classes, and sleeping. And who knows? Maybe a few surprises…