“I just want to be still this morning. I don’t want to be on a stage with microphones, instruments, and people watching.”
That was my Sunday morning pre-worship leading tweet.
I wonder if individuals from Hillsong United ever feel that way. It was a new and a very conflicted feeling for me. I love leading worship, but yesterday I just wanted it to be God and me. Without the stage, without the lights, and without the sound system. But mainly without the congregation. Just God and me.
I wanted stillness. I wanted to get through the brokenness I was feeling alone without a curious audience. I wanted the healing to come quietly and gently in solitude.
But it didn't. It started from leading a large and familiar group of people in worship. I wanted stillness and solitude. And that's what I got. Not how I thought I needed it, but in exactly how it needed to happen. I was where God wanted me to be. And I was eventually open to His tender healing through the words in the music, prayer, and Scripture in the service.
The sermon yesterday morning was from Psalm 46.
Psalm 46:1-11
1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
7 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
8 Come and see what the LORD has done,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease
to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the shields with fire.
10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
11 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
I don’t remember much of the sermon other than the phrase “Be still, and know that I am God.”
Be still. Know that I am God.
Be still.
Andrea,
ReplyDeleteI hope it's ok that I comment. I so hear what you're saying. One of the most challenging things about leading worship for me has been and still is, how to lead effectively with excellence, and still be able to personally worship. At worship conferences I've heard it described as "worshiping with one eye open". I still find that difficult to do, though there are certainly times when that does happen powerfully in the midst of a song or message.
So many times I wished just to be sitting in the congregation, or somewhere quiet and alone with God instead of up there on stage with lights, sound, etc.
One of those times, I had lost my sister a couple weeks before, and wanted to be anywhere but on stage leading worship. Yet I found as you did, that God placed me and used me exactly where he needed me. My pain was hard to hide, and I found that it allowed me to "be still" and engage much more deeply in worship, even as I lead.
The congregation apparently knew and felt this too, and I was told later it was one of the most meaningful worship experiences many had had that day. A "win-win" I suppose. Thank you God.