As I was driving home from church one evening earlier this week, a thought just kind of hit me. It was a thought that had been forming for the previous week. It was a thought that I had half-heartedly shared with Robert and Alicia. It was a good and happy thought. It was encouraging and enlightening. It was different, a little scary, and wonderful all blended into one.
So I guess now would be the time to let you in on my thought...
I’m not in control. And I’m totally fine.
Can we just let that sink in for a few moments? (Or hours depending on how well you know me.)
I’m not in control of the world and I’m okay with that. It’s been in the past few weeks that I’ve actually been able to let go of that need to be in control. Up until this point, I've tried so hard to but couldn't. I was fighting to not be in control, which put me in control of not being in control. And I don’t think there was a specific moment when I let go. It just happened without me really noticing.
The battle of control has been something I’ve struggled with for, well, I’m assuming most of my life. But it had been especially present the past 3 years. The anxiety that came with trying to control the world has also diminished.
It’s a very freeing feeling. I feel like I’ve reached a goal that’s been dangling before me for quite some time.
It’s a thought that needs a little more processing, so I’m sure I’ll write more about this eventually. I just had to share a little now. :)
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