Remembering. Sorting. Tossing. That’s what I’m doing today. Today is my “go through my room” day. Not that it’s messy or needs to be cleaned, but I’m ready to sort through everything and get rid of the things I don’t need or use.
Unneeded papers, clothes that don’t fit, and lots of random...stuff. I don’t know what else to call it. It’s just a lot of stuff. Stuff that I don’t want or need. I’m not even sure where all this stuff came from! But, after 22 years in the same room, stuff accumulates.
I’ve lived in the same house and in the same room for my entire life. 22.5 years in this pretty purple room!
When I was in Livermore over spring break, after being here for about a week, the “ah, I’m home” feeling still hadn’t hit me. And it never did. Summer break has been the same way. Still waiting to feel like I’m home.
This is not my home anymore. Yes, I occasionally live here with my parents, but it’s not “home”.
This is not my home anymore.
There’s no anger, bitterness, or resentment within that statement. Just maybe a little sorrow.
There are people I feel at home with. Some of the girls at Moody feel like “home” to me. When I’m with Robert I feel like I’m “home”. Being with Danny, Kendra, Trina, and Viola is “home”. Time with Alicia feels like “home”. Home is not necessarily a place for me right now, but more of a feeling.
It’s been made evident to me in the past few years that Chicago is not my home, either. I will never feel completely at home somewhere other than with God.
This world is not my home. Heaven is my home. God is my eternal home.
If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. -C.S. Lewis
PS. If you visit my family sometime, you should ask to stay in my room because it’s WAY cooler than my sister's! It’s a Princess Rockstar kind of a room. I'll post a few pictures once I'm done sorting and it's back to it's normal state of organization... :)
It's a perfectly natural feeling to know that while you belong to a family, you're realizing that you're moving on, making your own place in life, finding your own niche. It's odd at first, but you get used to it much quicker than you realize. The most you can hope for is to be successful in your choices and from what I read on your blogs, and see from your pictures, you're figuring out the right choices. It's an awesome feeling.
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