I walked into my room this afternoon and exclaimed, “I’m freaking out over here!” as I threw myself on my roommates bed. I wish I could say that this was a onetime occurrence, but it’s not.
I know I’ve written a few other posts about anxiety, but that’s what I’m currently working through, so that’s what I’m thinking about and want to write about. I’ve been doing better overall, but still have moments of mass panic. Today was one of those moments of mass panic.
Story time with Andrea...
I played guitar and sang on the worship team almost every week this summer. I’ve been on a worship team since freshman year of high school. So being a part of a worship team and leading is nothing new for me. And it’s something that I love and find joy in!
My last Sunday at Cedar Grove this summer had the potential to be a fun one! Most of the new sound equipment was on the stage and being used. The sanctuary was painted and the carpeting was new, as well. We also switched from pews to chairs. Everything felt contemporary and exciting! I got to play electric guitar for three songs, acoustic for two of them, and a high hat for like 2 measures of another song. Plus I sang harmony. I was on my side of the stage with Rusty. All was totally normal in my world of worship team and being on the stage.
Except for the mass amount of panicking I was doing. And it was frustrating. I was so annoyed that I couldn’t figure out what was causing the anxiety that I’m sure it was causing more.
Do you have people in your life that can tell when something’s wrong without asking? Because I do. And these people drive me absolutely crazy! BUT, I also love and appreciate them more than I’ll probably ever be able to express to them.
Tom was in the back in the sound booth and walked up to the stage.
“Are you ok?” he asked.“Yes.” He took a few steps away from the stage when I realized I’d totally lied to him.
“Tom. I’m really anxious.”
“I can tell,” (or something along those lines) was his response.
I don’t remember the short conversation that followed except that Tom was gentle, reassuring, and encouraging. It makes me laugh a little looking back on the scene because I’m really not good at hiding things when I’m overwhelmed, especially when I’m around people who know me.
A trip to Tom’s office was in order early that week (dun dun duuunnnnnn) before I headed back to Chicago. I got to the church and was glad to find Alicia and Robert there. There’s something comforting about having friends to creatively stall with! It literally took me 15 minutes to finally walk through the doorway into his office and I only went through the door because Alicia pushed me.
It’s obviously not Tom I dread - it’s knowing that I’m imperfect and have big hurdles to overcome. As I sat in the chair (NOT the couch) wrapped in the fuzzy purple blanket I store in his office, we talked through everything and he gave me some great advice. I’ve been giving a lot of advice in the past year. Some pieces have been more helpful than other pieces. But something that's stuck with me these past few months was the advice to cling to Jesus and to place Him over my anxiety. It’s a choice. I need to choose Jesus and run to Him instead of letting my anxiety take root and control my life.
There’s a scene near the end of the Disney Princess movie Tangled that I think gives an accurate picture of how we need to fight against these things we struggle with.
Here's the link to it... (It won't let me embed it. Sorry!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrkOKMomIFw
“No. I won’t stop for every minute for the rest of my life. I will fight. I will never stop trying to get away from you.”
Intentional. Persistent. With all the strength and determination that we have. That's how combating anxiety (or any struggle) must be.
I lost the fight against my anxiety today, but I won’t lose this battle. Tomorrow’s a new day with more choices to make and more chances to succeed.
I know I’ve written a few other posts about anxiety, but that’s what I’m currently working through, so that’s what I’m thinking about and want to write about. I’ve been doing better overall, but still have moments of mass panic. Today was one of those moments of mass panic.
Story time with Andrea...
I played guitar and sang on the worship team almost every week this summer. I’ve been on a worship team since freshman year of high school. So being a part of a worship team and leading is nothing new for me. And it’s something that I love and find joy in!
My last Sunday at Cedar Grove this summer had the potential to be a fun one! Most of the new sound equipment was on the stage and being used. The sanctuary was painted and the carpeting was new, as well. We also switched from pews to chairs. Everything felt contemporary and exciting! I got to play electric guitar for three songs, acoustic for two of them, and a high hat for like 2 measures of another song. Plus I sang harmony. I was on my side of the stage with Rusty. All was totally normal in my world of worship team and being on the stage.
Except for the mass amount of panicking I was doing. And it was frustrating. I was so annoyed that I couldn’t figure out what was causing the anxiety that I’m sure it was causing more.
Do you have people in your life that can tell when something’s wrong without asking? Because I do. And these people drive me absolutely crazy! BUT, I also love and appreciate them more than I’ll probably ever be able to express to them.
Tom was in the back in the sound booth and walked up to the stage.
“Are you ok?” he asked.“Yes.” He took a few steps away from the stage when I realized I’d totally lied to him.
“Tom. I’m really anxious.”
“I can tell,” (or something along those lines) was his response.
I don’t remember the short conversation that followed except that Tom was gentle, reassuring, and encouraging. It makes me laugh a little looking back on the scene because I’m really not good at hiding things when I’m overwhelmed, especially when I’m around people who know me.
A trip to Tom’s office was in order early that week (dun dun duuunnnnnn) before I headed back to Chicago. I got to the church and was glad to find Alicia and Robert there. There’s something comforting about having friends to creatively stall with! It literally took me 15 minutes to finally walk through the doorway into his office and I only went through the door because Alicia pushed me.
It’s obviously not Tom I dread - it’s knowing that I’m imperfect and have big hurdles to overcome. As I sat in the chair (NOT the couch) wrapped in the fuzzy purple blanket I store in his office, we talked through everything and he gave me some great advice. I’ve been giving a lot of advice in the past year. Some pieces have been more helpful than other pieces. But something that's stuck with me these past few months was the advice to cling to Jesus and to place Him over my anxiety. It’s a choice. I need to choose Jesus and run to Him instead of letting my anxiety take root and control my life.
There’s a scene near the end of the Disney Princess movie Tangled that I think gives an accurate picture of how we need to fight against these things we struggle with.
Here's the link to it... (It won't let me embed it. Sorry!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrkOKMomIFw
“No. I won’t stop for every minute for the rest of my life. I will fight. I will never stop trying to get away from you.”
Intentional. Persistent. With all the strength and determination that we have. That's how combating anxiety (or any struggle) must be.
I lost the fight against my anxiety today, but I won’t lose this battle. Tomorrow’s a new day with more choices to make and more chances to succeed.
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