Elijah and I.

I think I’m broken.

As soon as I’ve got everything under control and know what’s going on, everything gets flipped upside down and I have to start figuring things out all over again. The past few years have been a vicious cycle of “I’ve got this!” to “what the heck?”.

But it’s in the chaos that I see God work. It’s in the quiet moments and encouraging conversations intermingled in the mess that God makes His presence known.

One of my favorite stories in the Bible is about Elijah and it comes from 1 Kings 18 and 19. He had a successful day on Mount Carmel proving to the worshippers of Baal that his God was the one true God. But this “life is awesome” high would soon disappear. Jezebel, the evil queen, promised to have Elijah killed for what he had done. In fear, Elijah ran away to the wilderness. After one day of running, he was ready to give up and he asked God to take his life. He then relaxed under a tree and fell asleep. An angel woke him up and had a meal prepared for him to eat. Elijah ate and then went back to sleep. After sleeping for a while longer, the angel woke him up again and had more food ready for him. The rest and food gave him strength to travel for the next forty days and nights. He then reached Horeb, the mountain of God, and spent the night in a cave there.

The Lord spoke to Elijah and asked him why he was there. Elijah’s reply was defensive. He gave the Lord excuses as to why he was running away. The Lord instructed him to go out of the cave and stand on the mountain because He was going to pass by.

Elijah was the witness to a great and powerful wind that tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks. Following the wind was an earthquake and then a fire. The Lord was not found in any of these enormous things, but in the simple thing that followed. A whisper. A gentle whisper. When Elijah heard the whisper, he pulled his cloak over his face and went back to the entrance of the cave.

The Lord again asked Elijah what he was doing. Elijah’s response was the same as before, but this time the Lord’s rebuttal was different. He told Elijah to go back to the Desert of Damascus to anoint a new king over Aram. And Elijah did as he was told without questioning the Lord.

I think Elijah was broken, too. I think he was tired, confused, and frustrated. He was diligently and successfully serving the Lord and working to make His name known. Everything was going great until, without a warning, things dramatically turned on him. He got discouraged and ran away from his opposition.

Even through Elijah’s discouragement and questions, the Lord remained faithful and loving. He came to Elijah and met his needs and then demonstrated His power as well as His gentleness.

I know I’m broken, but I serve the same powerful and present God that Elijah did.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He counts the number of the stars; He gives names to all of them. Great is our Lord and abundant in strength; His understanding is infinite. Psalm 147:3-5