Learning to Rest

What an odd yet beautifully challenging concept.

Last year at this time, I found out that I had Mono. And this year I'm still struggling with the aftermath of it. The virus never goes away, but the symptoms aren't usually present. However, sometimes they are and right now is one of those times...

So once again, I’m learning the lesson of being content while resting. I struggled through learning this lesson last year and, in someways, am grateful for another chance.

I heard this piece of “Streams in the Dessert” this summer. The way it describes “rest” is unique and puts it into a different perspective... Enjoy!

Not without design does God write the music of our lives. Be it ours to learn the tune, and not be dismayed at the "rests." They are not to be slurred over, not to be omitted, not to destroy the melody, not to change the keynote. If we look up, God Himself will beat the time for us. With the eye on Him, we shall strike the next note full and clear. If we sadly say to ourselves, "there is no music in a ‘rest,’" let us not forget "there is the making of music in it." The making of music is often a slow and painful process in this life. How patiently God works to teach us! How long He waits for us to learn the lesson!

– Ruskin, from Streams in the Desert

And then I Wish...

I remember hearing the phone ring.

I remember the tone of my mom’s voice.

I remember quickly getting dressed.

I remember grabbing my cell phone.

I remember getting scolded for taking too long.

I remember the impatience in everyone’s voices.

I remember sitting at the foot of his bed crying.

I remember being told to be joyful in this horrible circumstance.

And then I remember getting upset.

I was sad because my uncle had just died, but I went from feeling sorrow to bitterness in a few seconds. It felt worse than a slap in the face. Someone close to me had just died tragically, and an hour later I was supposed to be joyful. I was in a lot of pain, but was supposed to be smiling and cheerful! As if...yeah right.

I remember the first hug I got after the ordeal being hours later.

I remember the first comforting words being hours later, as well.

I remember the anger slowly subsiding, but not fully leaving.

And then I got on an airplane and went back to school.

Still in shock of what had just happened, I went about my normal routine of classes, working, homework, outreach, and ministry team.

I remember pretending nothing had happened.

I remember thinking that I was just fine.

I remember the lingering anger that would randomly show up.

And it just hit me, 6 months later. My uncle is dead and my response was bitterness, resentment, and anger. My grieving stopped at feeling angry, then I let the whole thing go without a second though.

I wish I could go back and do those few painful days differently.

I wish I would have allowed people to comfort me.

I wish I was better at distinguishing emotions.

I wish...

That's a lot of water!

I read the entire book of Genesis yesterday for one of my classes and ended up with a handful of questions.

My first set of questions I choose to research are from Genesis 24.

Here’s some background info: Abraham was getting old and wanted a wife for Jacob. He sent his chief servant to Nahor in hopes of finding a worthy women for Jacob to marry. While outside of the town with the ten camels, the servant prayed asking God to give him success on this journey. Rebekah, the daughter of Bethuel, came to the well outside the city to draw water and this is where the servant met her and asked for a drink.

Now when she had finished giving him a drink, she said, "I will draw also for your camels until they have finished drinking." So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough and ran back to the well to draw, and she drew for all his camels. Genesis 24:19-20 (NASB)

Here's what I found out:

A camel can drink up to 40 gallons of water before it is full.

The type of jar Rebekah was using most likely held no more than 3 gallons.

10 camels x 40 gallons of water = 400 gallons of water

400 gallons of water/3 gallons per jar = 133.333 jars of water

As a reference point - an averaged sized hot tub is about 450 gallon.

Drawing that capacity of water would have taken a good amount of time. Not to mention the time spent carrying the full jar to the trough, dumping it in, and walking back.

I want to be a humble, strong, and eager servant like Rebekah!

Thrive

I put my iTunes on shuffle and came across an old Newsboys song. And by “old Newsboys”, I mean with Peter Furler, Phil Joel, Jody Davis, Jeff Frankenstein, and Duncan Phillips.

Thrive

Down here in the valley

Every shadow You see

Has its own story

Down here in the valley

Every puddle of mud

Comes from tears and blood

And it's so hard just to get warm

That the chill turns into despair

Will You lift me up with tender care?

Will You wash me clean in the palm of Your hand?

Will You hold me close so I can thrive?

When You touch me, that's when I know I'm alive

Down here in the valley

Nothing's able to grow

'Cause the light's too low

Folks spend their days

Digging 'round for diamonds and gold

'Til they just get old

And they don't know anything else

They don't know they're breathing bad air

But I'm tired of living like this

And my soul cries out, "If You're there...

Call me up to Your side

Draw me up to Your light

Let it blind me

Lord, refine me

Refine me out of my mind

The second to last line caught my attention: Will You hold me close so I can thrive?

Psalm 119:73 (The Message)

With your very own hands you formed me; now breathe your wisdom over me so I can understand you. When they see me waiting, expecting your Word, those who fear you will take heart and be glad. I can see now, God, that your decisions are right; your testing has taught me what's true and right. Oh, love me—and right now!—hold me tight! just the way you promised. Now comfort me so I can live, really live; your revelation is the tune I dance to. Let the fast-talking tricksters be exposed as frauds; they tried to sell me a bill of goods, but I kept my mind fixed on your counsel. Let those who fear you turn to me for evidence of your wise guidance. And let me live whole and holy, soul and body, so I can always walk with my head held high.

Life Without Adventure?

I blame Alicia. She asked for a diet coke.

Alicia and I attempted to tackle the task of going through all the clothes in my closet in hopes of deciding what would go to Chicago with me. We got halfway through before taking a much needed coffee break. We got home and continued pulling out clothes and sorting things into piles. Lunch time was approaching so I called Robert and invited him to join our lunch time food quest. We ate lunch and then soldiered on with our daunting apparel assignment.

Anyways, here’s where the diet coke comes into play. We got back to my room and Alicia asked for one so I went to the garage to grab it. Innocently enough, I pulled the can out of the cardboard case and knocked over the case of dr. pepper. I tried to catch all of the falling soda but ended up helping them plummet into the deep and half full recycling bin. Then one of them exploded. I froze for a second before I started giggling. Dr. pepper was squirting everywhere and I didn’t know what to do. Still giggling, I managed to call for help. Robert, being the wonderful guy that he is, came to my rescue.

He opened the door and stuck his head out before walking out. Still laughing, I explained what happened. Without any hesitation, he reached in and pulled out the un-exploded cans and gave me the (as I interpret it), “I love you, you troublemaker,” look.

I brought Alicia her diet coke, gave her a quick recap of what had just went down, and then went back into the garage to finish cleaning up the mess I made. We took the recycling bin outside and emptied it in order to rinse it out. According to my mom, leaving sticky soda in the bottom of it was a bad idea. So Robert cleaned the inside of the huge bin while I loaded the soda-saturated stuff into a garbage bag.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here are my thoughts on the whole thing:

I’m not perfect. I never have been. I never will be.

Sometimes I make messes that I can’t clean up on my own. Sometimes unexpected things happen and my initial reaction makes the situation worse. Sometimes I simply just don’t know what to do. And sometimes I’m not capable of doing what I know needs to be done.

In these “adventures” is when character comes out.

*He jumped in and helped without a second thought.

*I wasn’t completely sure what to do, but once I did, I helped.

*He was patient.

*I cleaned up the mess and got sticky without panicking about getting dirty.

*He was encouraging.

*Our response to the whole situation was laughter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you sure you’re okay with all the adventures that come with me?”

“What would life be without an occasional adventure?”

:)

Don't Say Goodbye. Please?

My goodbyes tend to be lugubrious.

I’m horrible at saying “goodbye”. I tend to make them more dramatic than they need to be. Lots of people can testify to that. Whether it’s for a few days or a few months, they just don’t go very well. Especially in airports, church, parking lots, dorm rooms, homes… Anywhere I guess.

When I know I have to say bye to someone, the song “Say Goodbye” by Skillet plays on repeat in my head. The dramatic piano introduction that gradually builds to the heart wrenching chorus… Then the key change… Finally to the ending that just kind of drops off. At the end of it, I just want to run away from everyone and everything.

I said my first "big goodbye” on Sunday. Worship team. Change is in the air and I don’t know if there will be a place for me for the few months of the year I’m at Cedar Grove. I’ve poured so much time and effort into it and it’s something I’m passionate about. The different teams I’ve worked with have been wonderful. Whether I’m on the team or not, I’ll have the relationships that were built and the skills that I’ve learned. Nonetheless, it’s still hard to leave it.

The next “big goodbye” will be to my family and close friends. My parents, sister, grandma, Alicia, Danny, Kendra, Trina, Rusty. Again, like worship team, it’s hard walking away from the people I’ve spent so much time with knowing it will be slightly different in a few months when I’m in California again.

And the last “big goodbye” will be to Robert. How do you not see someone you love for months at a time and stay sane? I’ve spent so many hours with him this summer going on long walks, getting lost in Monterey, going on adventures, taking pictures, cooking, watching movies, making a diaper wreath... Lets be honest - he’s my boyfriend - he’s apart of my everyday life. And he still will be, but in a different way. I like the way things are right now, so the thought of it drastically changing is overwhelming, even though I know it’s going to be okay.


I just don’t like goodbyes and that’s all there is to it.


“And although we knew this time would come for me and you, don’t say anything tonight if you’re gonna say goodbye”

Allie's Wedding! (August 1, 2010)

Here are a few of the many pictures I took at Kris and Allie's wedding!

Allie walking to the boat with her dad.

Allie and Kris dancing as Chloe watches intently.

Instead of a cake, they had cute cupcakes!

The red and white roses were gorgeous!

Larissa playing with one of the dogs at the reception.

The wedding was on the wharf in Monterey so the sea lions came with the scenery.