Sweetie.

"Sweetie, He's never failed you before, so what makes you think He'll just start now? Use the proof of the past to calm your anxiety about the future."


Sometimes frozen yogurt and a rockstar daddy-daughter date are exactly what I need.

Oh no. (You never let go.)

My best friend is an emotional tackler. She hid it well for 20 years! One Sunday a few years ago before I went back to Chicago for the fall, we sang Matt Redman's song You Never Let Go. After the service, while we were still on the stage, Alicia started singing the song again. She wrapped her arms around me while singing "oh no you never let go". We somehow managed to topple down to the stairs leading off the stage before falling completely over. There was lots of laughing and probably a few tears as our high heels went everywhere. Our "hellos" and "see ya laters" were always (and will always be) loud and dramatic. This "see ya later" might have taken the cake though.

We sang that song this morning at church. During rehearsal on Tuesday night, those memories sprung back into my mind. It was happy and then sad, but then happy again.

Happy: I have the best best friend in the world. The memories of her tackling me make me laugh whenever I think about the ridiculousness of the scene. We've been friends since we were babies in the church nursery. I won't list all our memories and adventures because that would be an encyclopedia-lengthed book series. We're very different people, but at the end of the day, our hearts are on fire for the same thing and that's what fuels our friendship and gives it meaning.

Sad: I cringe at the words “never” and “forever”. I’ve been told too many times that “we’ll be friends forever” or “I’ll love you forever”. And then “forever” becomes a lot shorter than it should be. Or “I’ll never hurt you” or “that’ll never happen”. And then “never” becomes a little too frequent. There's a lingering shadow of fear with those words.

Happy: But then there’s God. His “forevers” and “nevers” mean just that. Guaranteed. He will never leave me. He will love me forever. I have to believe that and live within that promise. It's means replacing fear and hesitancy with confidence and joy in the constancy of God.


You Never Let Go

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won't turn back, I know you are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

(Chorus:)
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles but until that day comes
We'll live to know You here on the earth
 
Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

14th.

Oddly enough, I ended up with either food poisoning or the stomach flu each Valentine's Day in Chicago. But this one was a good one! No throwing up, whatsoever!

1. Gluten free cereal.
2. Time for an iced vanilla latte before work.
3. Blue sky and sunshine.
4. Lots of happy texts from friends.
5. Shopping with Alicia.
6. Beautiful flowers from Nick.
7. Only four hours of work today.
8. Hannah Montana sing-a-long with Alicia.
9. To-do list conquered.
10. Dinner with Alicia and her parents.
11. Time to relax.
12. The Cromie's had blueberries in their refrigerator.
13. A day fairly void of anxiety.
14. Unconditional love from my Father.

#win

Lent: Giving Up and Replacing

Heidi (my roommate at the time) gave up soda. I gave up being mean. That's what happened during Lent last year.

I can't tell you how we made those decisions, but we did. I'm sure some dramatic event influenced my decision. And I'm sure Heidi's decision was more thought out.

And I honestly can't tell you who had a harder time. I'd like to think I did, because not being mean included not being impatient, annoyed, frustrated, short-tempered, all that stuff... But, then I think about taking diet coke out of my life. I'm not sure I would survive. Regardless, we kept each other accountable and made it through Lent.

Giving up my "meanness" really did help me focus on God. I had to give every situation to God, regardless of the size, so I could consciously handle it in a way that would be pleasing to Him.

Giving up my "meanness" for Lent served it's purpose. I was emptied of myself and was continually relying on God.


This year, after many suggestions thrown around by Nick and Alicia (Nick's suggestions were marginally better then Alicia's.), I decided that I wouldn't be giving up anything.

With the weird health things I have going on, many of which effect my emotions, I just want normal. Not even normal. Steady. Something steady.

Yesterday was rough. Nothing was horribly wrong, but my "normal" has just been a little tougher than I'd like. I drove home after a long day and realized that giving up nothing was exactly what I needed to do. I'd love to take some major things out of my life, but (at least for the time being) that's not possible. So adding more of God to those pieces of my life seems like a good option.

So there you have it. It's untraditional, but that's what I'm doing for Lent.