When I Look at the Stars

It was a cooler evening than usual for a summer night in California, but nothing compared to the bitter chill of Chicago. I had a big sweatshirt on and had the ends of the sleeves tucked inside, tightly gripped in my hands. I sat on the swing on the front porch with a friend and we talked and laughed about the adventures of being away at school and of the fun memories we’d had together. The whole situation was so…normal. Wonderfully normal.

During a pause in the conversation, I remember looking up at the stars, wishing I could reach out and touch one. The dark night sky was so vast and overwhelming and I felt so small and insignificant sitting on the bench of the swing. Trying to take it all in was impossible; my mind couldn’t fathom the endlessness of it all. Especially the realization that I was only able to see a small piece of the sky. The challenges that arise, the fear that overtakes, the pain that isn’t quickly healed, it’s all so devastating but at the same time, so temporary. The view of our lives is just like the view we have of the sky – incomplete. Unanswered questions about the challenges we go through will always be around. We can make guesses about our questions, educated ones at that, but we don’t know for sure how the outcome will be until it’s happened.

On the other side of challenges and struggles, when I've conquered the battle, I feel like I get to see a little bit of a bigger glimpse of the larger picture. I feel so trivial when I’m trudging through something difficult, but I also feel loved and cared for. I know I’ll be okay even if I don’t know what’s going on. I’ve learned that God doesn’t waste our experiences; they eventually come full circle. And some day, I’ll get to see that.

Back to stargazing…a more serious conversation ended the evening and, as expected, left a few more unanswered questions and things to wonder and dream about. And maybe a few things to hope for : )

Now I’m in Chicago, struggling to see the stars through all the skyscrapers, lights, and clouds. But I know in full confidence that they’re still up in the sky somewhere. Holding on to the memories of summer, I close my eyes and can see the stars shining and twinkling through the trellis top of the swing…

“When I look at the stars, the stars, I feel like myself.” ~Switchfoot