Piece of Eden

What or who is Eden? A wise mentor of mine once told me that as much as I need to address the ugliness that lives in the world and our hearts, I also need to speak of the beautiful times, the Edens. What she meant was that I need to remind myself and others of the positive and happy times in my life when everything was as it should be. Maybe it was a season of life, a single memory, or just a moment. A time where I experienced Eden. A moment where we were in the garden and life was perfect. And that is what I want to write about today. A time in my life when all was good. All smiles and hugs, no meltdowns and anxiety.

Strangely enough, it was hard for me to pinpoint one Eden. As I was thinking about happy memories, my mind jumped from adventures with Trina to playing guitar with Rusty to cuddles with Viola to giggly jewelry shows with Kendra to epic days with Alicia to late nights with Heidi to great conversations with Danny to watching the Little Mermaid with Baylee**.

My perfect moment doesn’t include any of those people listed though. It includes Robert. Odd that I’m writing about him, right? Odd that when I think of a perfect moment, something revolving around him pops into my mind, right? A little. It’s a little odd. But, well, we’re just going to go with it.

Like any girl, I live in a constant state of fantasy inside my head. I play out my life as though it is an episode in an epic TV drama, complete with swelling orchestral music and the big dramatic will they/won’t they type of cliff hanger endings. Sound familiar to anyone yet? Sadly, like in most fantasies, they don't usually play out the way you envision, and you're left with the aching reminder that your life will never be like it is in the movies. But sometimes, if you’re lucky, you do get a glimpse of that fantasy.

Last summer Robert was the youth intern at our church and he got to teach a handful of lessons to the high schoolers. So I got to help. Ok, I wanted to help. After all, I was the Bible student who’d taken and owned studying & teaching classes, a preaching class, and Bible classes. So, because I’d taken these classes, I was an expert. More of an expert than Robert, at least.

I don’t remember all the detail leading up to the Eden moment, but we ended up sitting in his truck with a stack of Bibles and commentaries with a few of my textbooks that I’d insisted on bringing so I could look smart. We spent a few hours combing through commentaries and flipping through the Bible with my occasional unhelpful comment from a textbook. We figured out enough of his lesson for the next morning and could call it quits for the night.

Studying the Bible with Robert. That was my Eden. I don’t know what could have made that time more perfect. It was as though time stood still and nothing could ever happen that would rob me of the joy my heart was feeling at that exact moment. I was studying the BIble with my best friend. Nothing about this time fell into my fantasy, but it was still perfect. I was content and complete. I had my Eden. Right there in the truck.

As most things, the moments of studying the Bible with Robert came to an end. Life moved forward and we went our separate ways. However, the happy fun memories still occasionally linger

What bits of Eden have you had in your life? What moments have you had where life felt wonderful and all the crap this would brings seemed to disseminate? Hold on to those moments. They’re hopeful reminders that not all is lost. There is still good in the world, joy to be found, and love to be experienced. Smiles, hugs, giggles. It’s all still out there. There is still a God who sees our hearts and seeks to bring us joy and pleasure. Eden still exists, we just have to look for it. Take a moment to pause and remind yourself of Eden. Because we all need a bit of the garden every now and again.


**Yes, watching the Little Mermaid made the cut for happy memories. Ariel’s my favorite princess and it was (still is?) Baylee’s favorite, so it was an exciting night. Plus it was my birthday. And we sang and danced along to the Disney movie. It was just a really great day.

Perfection: my simple request

I’m a little bit of a perfectionist. I want perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. And I want it now.

I got sick last Sunday afternoon and my projected schedule for the week was seriously scrambled. When I get sick, I go all out. I rarely get a 24-hour flu or a mild cold that goes away in a few days. I get pneumonia or malaria or a serious infection or mono. On Monday morning, I had a fever of 101.1 and my lower right side was hurting horribly. I went to Moody’s Health Services and was able to see a doctor right away. After being diagnosed with appendicitis for the second time in my life, I got a little impatient. Long story short, it’s not my appendix (for the second time). There’s scarring inside of a portion of my large intestine and sometimes it gets aggravated - this time it just happened to be significantly more painful than it had been in the past. The inflammation in the scarred area made digesting anything other than liquids a hellish experience.

Because of all that, I didn’t get my perfect week. I got one full of gatorade, rice milk smoothies, pain killer, and sleeping. I didn’t go to all my classes. I didn’t get all my homework done. I didn’t do everything (newspaper, yearbook, website, 2 midterms) to the standard I wanted to. Far from perfect.


I want perfect. And I can’t have it. Thankfully. A perfect world wouldn’t need a Savior. Weeks like this past one remind me that I'm an imperfect girl who serves a perfect God.

He has made everything appropriate in its time. He has also set eternity in their heart, yet so that man will not find out the work which God has done from the beginning even to the end.
Ecclesiastes 3:11

Sidebar: For the record, my room is an absolute disaster and I’ve almost chopped my hair off a few times this week. (I even pinned a few short hairstyles on pinterest - so you know it’s serious.) I’m a little bit of a mess. Spring break needs to get here soon.

Perfect and Plastic

I interviewed the most lovely girl today! As a journalist, I’m used to one way conversations and being interested in the person’s life for the sake of the story. It’s not that I don’t have genuine care or concern for the person I’m interviewing, but it’s professional.

The girl I talked to today gave me a very accurate glimpse into my own life and put words to my experience growing up in a plastic and controlled Christian world. Here's an excerpt of our conversation...


In the perfect world I grew up in, the one I thought I could construct and I control, I had a false sense of happiness. I’ve gone through intense suffering and have memories that I still carry with me. But through the grace of God, I have joy from God that others don’t always understand. Many Christians understand what a sorrowful joy is though and it’s not one that comes without tears. The Lord does things too wonderful for me to know during these times of trials.

While I was young, I lived in a plastic self-contained world. This world was one that I thought I could control, but eventually realized I couldn’t as it was gradually falling apart. God wasn’t just a distant piece of information anymore, but a relational and relevant Savior. In this new world that I entered into, there were things I couldn’t manage.

There was great joy to be experienced that I could never experience in the plastic world I built up for myself. Joy was able to be found through the trials and suffering.

"I'm Sorry."

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

That line comes from the 1970s movie Love Story.

And the line is false. Oh. So. False.

It sounds deceivingly great though. And the statement would be true if we were all perfect all the time. But, regardless of how hard I try, I’m not perfect. I often do and say things that hurt others. Sometimes intentionally and sometimes entirely unaware.

I learned from a young age that I needed to say “sorry” when I’ve done something wrong. But it’s been in the past 5 years that I’ve had a greater understanding of what that means. And the freedom it has the potential to bring.

When I was younger, generally speaking, the things I had to apologize for didn’t change the relationships I was in. My parents occasionally made new rules, but they were still my parents. They loved me the same. I wish all relationships could be like that... that the consequences weren’t so... messy.

Being sorry is great and all, but it’s not quite enough. There need to be words and actions that make the situation right again. “It’s the thought that counts” doesn't cut it.

When I’ve hurt the people I’m close to, I desire to make it right. I don’t like the distant feeling or the guilt I feel when the relationship isn’t right and it's my fault.

I know that perfect love kills all fear and that God’s love is perfect. And because of that, I don’t have to fear God’s love.

So, all that said, I’m learning to say “I’m sorry” and to love without fear.

Look Inside

Self-worth, body image, numbers on a scale, and jean sizes... all common things tripping around the heads of many girls. It’s a continuous battle with much unpredictability. Somedays it’s an easy win, other days it’s a tough victory. Somedays it’s a lonely fight, yet other days the encouragement from others makes survival possible.

I don’t think the battle is something that will just disappear - it’s an ongoing thing that can be rekindled at anytime and triggered by a number of things.

In my life, I may lose an individual battle, but this is a war that will be won.

Imperfection is an unavoidable part of life due to the fallen, degrading state of mankind. But, I believe that my self-image is something that God can bless and positively sustain because He gave me an image in the first place. Genesis 1:27 says, “God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” I’m pretty sure that means God cares about how I perceive myself to be since I’m supposed to look like/take after/resemble Him.

Despite that, I still have to remember that He made me when I look around and see all the fake, plastic, and perfect people. They look so good from the outside. I, however, have God-given peace and I care more about my relationship with Him than appearing flawless.**

I do realize that my outside reflects who made me and the family who raised me. But I want to make sure God gets the glory - no matter what. And one way I can do that is by loving, taking care of, not destroying, and caring about my body. I only get one life and only one body. I want to take care of this one. God made me and I have to believe He made me just right.

Challenge: now I need to live like I believe that.

You make me beautiful.

You make me stand in awe.

You step inside my heart and I am amazed.

I love to hear you say,

“Who I am is quite enough”.

You make me worthy of love and beautiful.

-Beautiful by Bethany Dillon

**I’m not saying the gorgeous people can’t have Christ living in them.

Photo #4: Perfection.

This is my *almost* perfect sunflower.

"Perfect in weakness. I'm only perfect in just Your strength alone."